Why There Are No Monkeys In The US

There are at least 145 living species of the suborder Anthropoidea click this icon to hear the preceding term pronounced. Over 90% of them are monkeys. The remaining species are apes and humans. The anthropoids (members of the suborder Anthropoidea) have been the most successful primates in populating the earth. They are generally larger, more intelligent, and have more highly developed eyes than the simians.

And yet, it has recently come to my attention that there are no monkeys in the United States of America, well, at least outside zoos.

Mr. del Rio makes a compelling case that NPR and Expensive sandwich are likely to blame for the lack of monkeys. He does point out that Zima may be the bridge between the United States and the monkey kingdom. He points out that there is at least on Zima Monkey in residence it the southern United States. Perhaps this Martin Bowling can serve as a goodwill ambassador to usher in a new century of Monkey North American Amnesty.

It is obvious to even the casual observer that we need to help monkeys make it to North America. Please join me in proposing that Zima sponsor a Monkey North American Amnesty. We promise that we will make Zima our official drink, and, perhaps, even make blue and black our colors.

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