There are at least 145 living species of the suborder Anthropoidea click this icon to hear the preceding term pronounced. Over 90% of them are monkeys. The remaining species are apes and humans. The anthropoids (members of the suborder Anthropoidea) have been the most successful primates in populating the earth. They are generally larger, more intelligent, and have more highly developed eyes than the simians.
And yet, it has recently come to my attention that there are no monkeys in the United States of America, well, at least outside zoos.
Mr. del Rio makes a compelling case that NPR and Expensive sandwich are likely to blame for the lack of monkeys. He does point out that Zima may be the bridge between the United States and the monkey kingdom. He points out that there is at least on Zima Monkey in residence it the southern United States. Perhaps this Martin Bowling can serve as a goodwill ambassador to usher in a new century of Monkey North American Amnesty.
It is obvious to even the casual observer that we need to help monkeys make it to North America. Please join me in proposing that Zima sponsor a Monkey North American Amnesty. We promise that we will make Zima our official drink, and, perhaps, even make blue and black our colors.
I really hate to complain (sigh) but when I’m resting at the end of the day, I do NOT need Problems with my Cable T-V!
My Puppy is biting at my big toe, my wife is yelling at me because I’m not helping around the house and I’M TIRED!
My favorite football team is playing and I can’t watch it because it’s blacked out and Cable T-V charges too much!!
I’ll watch the news…. What in God’s name is wrong now? The picture’s blurry!!! ……. Geeze, she’s yelling again and he’s humping my leg. I CAN’T Win!!!
Maybe I’ll watch a good movie…… Oops, the good ones are on “Pay Per View”!! Who needs that?
Am flipping through the channels to see if there’s anything good on. Of course not … doesn’t matter anyway because all I have now is snow, not on the ground, but on my Cable T-V!!
There the wife goes again!! Why can’t she see that I am watching T-V? Or Snow, that is!!
As long as I’m watching snow, I wonder what Satellite T-V is like? Can it be less expensive than Cable? Is the reception better? Can I watch my football games for free? What about black-out games? How much do their movies cost?
There goes the sound, but no picture …. what’s that?? For god’s sake, they’re talking about Satellite Television!! Well since I can’t see what they’re talking about …. I’ll listen.
Will you please be quiet? (Why can’t she leave me alone for five minutes?)
I hear from my snow driven T-V set that Satellite is the newest kid on the block and is here to stay.
He’s saying that the technology available now far outweighs Cable T-V. (Really??) and that Satellite has clear pictures all the time with High Definition on EVERY channel. He even said that the picture would be clearer than ever.
NO SNOW??? Oh, my god, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven!!!
Gosh, they DO have new movies for FREE, and NO blackouts for my games!! That’s great!! I’m sure that I heard, (underneath HER muttering)… that Satellite has many MORE channels than Cable.
I love this guy! He’s explaining that one doesn’t need all the extra boxes and wiring that cable has, that his Satellite Company is much less expensive than Cable T-V.
I didn’t know that one can get any program he wants any time of the day, because Satellite T-V has no time barriers …. why, I could watch a program from China, even Russia (wonder if they are in English?)
Oh well, I’m already settled with my Cable Company. It would be too much trouble to change now.
I’ll call my Company to see if they can get this damned snow off my Picture …….
Rover just got into the garbage, (that dog can’t stay still for a minute!)….can’t wait for her to start in on me again…
Have been on the phone for over 15 minutes …… a machine told me to be patient; only 25 people ahead of me.
I just yelled at my dog…. My Sanity has left me! Soon I’ll be cussing out you know who!
An hour and 20 minutes later, after hearing vile and loud music coming over the phone from the Cable Company, I finally talked to a human being …….. who thanked me for my patience(he should only know) and said that they could have someone out to fix the Cable very soon ………two weeks from yesterday!!!!!
There SHE goes again … and the purp dog is sleeping on my lap!!
The announcer on my T-V is saying that the Satellite Company has human support, no waiting.
They can even install the Satellite tomorrow!!
You know what ??? I’m calling the Satellite Company !!!
Marci L. Bortz is a sucessful internet entreprenuer who is very active in promoting her own sites while helping others to succeed in the Internet Business and Marketing field.
Please Visit: http://www.mlmads-xchange.com
I receive so much spam, so I decided to make some fun with
it. What do I get in spams? What do I not get?
Spams that tell me how I can make money even in sleep, how many beautiful sexy
women eager to sleep with me, how I can get viagra so cheap, how I can
erase all my debt with click of a mouse, how I can get free money from
uncle sam which I never have to pay back, and so many other things. And
the best part of it is: I do not have to spend a dime.
I wonder if it will ever end. I already receive more spam than
useful emails in my email accounts. And it is growing. Some
internet service providers are already thinking to making spam
legitimate by charging them some fee.
To sum it up, here the top ten reasons I do not spams.
- I am too busy.
- I do not understand spam, too old fashioned. I thought spam was kind of ham.
- My life is simple and I want to keep it that way, no need for that million dollar.
- I don’t want greedy spammers to take control of my life and malicious hackers to take control of my computer.
- No matter what’s in it, a spam is a spam is a spam is a spam is a spam is a spam is a spam.
- I have my own spam to spread.
- I am too conservative, I do not have thousands of dollars of debt.
- I don’t hold wild sex parties, so I am happy to keep my sex organs in their original sizes and shapes.
- Actually I have no sex life at all, so no need for that viagra bottle either.
- I installed a spam shredder and recently joined the hate the spam club.
I am a software engineer and occasional writer. I have web site at
www.spamsalad.com where one see all kinds of spam I get. And the best part of it is: it is in sexy web2.0 look and feel!
Public officials generally do not engage in facial hair
what-so-ever. Teddy Roosevelt - I think - was the last actual US
president to have any whiskers at all. Maybe it was Taft. My
point is that is hasn’t happened recently and I think for a good
reason. People judge very harshly on what you choose to have
growing out of your face. Look at John Bolton. He got criticized
more for that stupid white mustache under his nose then for the
proven fact that he was thoroughly unqualified, either through
experience or temperment, to be a US Ambassador. You just had to
look at him to know that his judgement could not be sound. John
Bolton believed that his big droopy walrus mustache looked good.
How could Americans possibly trust his judgement on any other
important matter, like nuclear disarmament?
I’ve got a huge confession to make: I’ve had silly facial hair.
For most men facial hair appears in two epochs of their lives.
The first is when we’re adolescents and we discover that we can
grow any at all, which is what we then attempt to do and not
very well. This facial hair usually disappears when we realize
that our sparse attempts at mustaches and beards make us look
less manly - not more so. That’s the first time.
The second great period of facial hair occurs when the hair on
top starts to disappear. Then it’s crucially important to show
the world that we can still grow hair out of our head. Sure it’s
not where we want it to grow, but it’s hair none-the-less and
that’s the critical thing. This, by the way, also explains hair
growing out of noses and ears.
When I was on an airbase in Texas I noticed that a lot of the
retired military would engage in bizarre facial hair. These guys
would be shopping at the base exchange with hair-cuts that would
be as high and tight as any active duty service member, but then
they would add to it some weird beard, like huge curling
mustaches, or a long Colonel Sanders, or giant sweeping
side-burns. Something to let you know that they had made their
twenty years, and don’t you dare try and give them any orders.
I’ve sort of fallen into the Midwest habit of growing a beard in
the colder months and going clean shaven during the warmer ones.
The rationale is that the beard provides extra warmth for your
face when you need it most. Which is really just baloney,
because no one around here is outdoors so much that it really
makes much of a difference. We have indoor heating and we use it.
The real reason, I admit, is just laziness. It’s a drag to have
to scrape your face with a sharp piece of metal every single day
and those few minutes it takes to do so can be better used for
other purposes. Usually TV. So, you just say it’s your ‘winter
beard’- or around here it’s your ‘deer hunting beard’ - and you
get out of that tiny bit of work for the next six months.
I claim that I can grow a full beard if I want to. Maybe with a
little help from an eyebrow pencil here and there to fill in,
but that still counts. The beard I grew last Winter is what I
call ‘the French Pirate’. This is the kind of styling you see on
a number of male celebrities like Jonny Depp, Colin Farrell,
Leonardo Di Caprio, P. Diddy Et Al. The French Pirate consists
of a mustache, a soul patch underneath your lips then a bit of
fuzz on the chin. Think Basil Rathbone in Captain Blood.
I didn’t get much of a positive reaction to that beard. A few
people observed non-commitally that: “Oh. You’re growing a
beard.” To which I was compelled to reply: “Um, no. It’s fully
grown. This is the whole thing.”
Then the subject would be changed.
A couple of women told me that it looked ‘cute’ and I thanked
them for the compliment while thinking to myself: “No. It’s not
supposed to look ‘cute’. It’s supposed to look dashing. Like a
French Pirate.”